Saturday, April 3, 2010

Observations at the airport

1. I don't care how perky your rear end is. If you are over eighteen, it looks absurd in that tight white sweatpants / thong combo. Even if they are bedazzled. And the fact your kids are here for this display is a bit creepy.

2. It has been nine years since you were allowed to lock your suitcase. Nine years. People no longer feel bad when you are paged to get out of line at security. People think you're a moron.

3. Not an airport thing, but frequently on my mind - I harbor great resentment for Tyra Banks for adding the words "moron" and "white trash" to my everyday vocabulary.

4. I fully support your right to wear spandex, splits, men's capris or whatever otherwise crazy attire makes your sport better. I even encourage it. Make it leopard print! But when the gloves come off, so do the satin shorts. I don't want to see your spandex at the airport.

5. The breakfast bacon Stromboli at the Albany airport is about eight thousand calories of heaven.